Hello everyone.
Alex's here.

I rarely tell anything that happens to me here...but i guess now is a good time to start something.
As you all know, I'm turning seventeen this 20 October... And, sadly, i don't even change for the better.
Even my new bamboo tablet don't help.

Currently, I'm in love with a girl...in my class. Oh, let's just call her M.
To begin with, I'm a man with serious self-confidence problem and terrible anger management. I have bad memory which makes me say nonsense and mostly wrong information. I require more time to compile information in my brain before i say something...
I am very sensitive to love relationship...and i wish i have one right now.

So, with that kind of personalities i have, i'm scared about getting close to girls, including M. Why? simply because M currently is my friend, and i hate if things go wrong.
M is a very cute (yes,cute is subjective), kind, smart, diligent, sometimes dirty (yes,last time, i remembered that she didn't wash her hair,and it looked, 'disatisfactory' i guess?), a bit talkative , and also a very wise and logical person. Compared to her I'm just...*sigh*... someone else.

When i first met her, it was a year ago. I heard she moved to my class, which is the social class. Although she was placed in the science class, she voluntary move to the social class. Why? i don't know, maybe because she saw her future there? well, who knows.
Anyway, back then, i don't have any kinds of feeling towards her. I hardly even talked with her.
Yet, recently, we ended in the same class in this senior year, and we seated pretty close.
I find her interesting and then we talked a bit.

When we talk, i noticed friendliness in her voice and her comments actually touched me,,,
such as when she said that i am more courageous now (long story,i was very fearful when it comes to presentation in front of class, now I have tried to be better actually) or when she tell things about my personalities etc.
It all makes me feel that i am actually there, existed, and there are someone who observe me, see how i change, how i tried to be better. That is when i start liking her.
(if you get to this part and start judging me as an anti-social guy who needs more attention, congrats, it's pretty much correct.)

Now, things have taken the worse turn. One day, A friend of mine actually made me realize that i actually got a feeling for her. This makes me realize more how i am jealous and nervous when i saw boys talks to her. It is simply ridiculous.
Later,when someone asked me whether i like her or not, i said, "NO". Yes, denial.

Why i said so? it is simply because I hate the over-protective part of my feeling (especially when we are just friends, i know), and worse, the more i deny it, the more i am confused. There are nights when i dream about dating her, and it was surprising, since i am pretty sure i wasn't thinking about her at those days. In my understanding...this proves that deep within myself, i wanted her more than i know.

Well, that's all for now. Thanks for reading this long post.

I am currently planning about strategies to approach her. Wish me luck.